Mother's Day Once More

So yesterday was Mother's Day. I cried for a pretty good amount of it, and in fact, I'm still crying. It's been a great few days.

Why am I crying? I felt alone. Really, really alone yesterday. Rob worked and I got one phone call all day long. Rob's family had already reached out to me the other day to check on my Dad so I didn't expect to hear from them. My sister texted me in the early afternoon and I guess my Dad couldn't figure out how to call me from the hospital. Rob texted me in the morning. Emily and I had about two or maybe three hours of decent time together when no one said no and no one felt like they were talking to a wall. But that didn't last. Carried over to the birthday party I took her to, where she fought me so hard to leave that she fell down some stairs in the yard, backwards as she backed away from me as I said "honey I have to get your socks and shoes on so we can go". I just felt isolated yesterday. There was no one to celebrate and there was no celebration for me. No "thank you"s were said, no flowers were given. Rob gave me a very practical gift and got Rita's ice - which he wanted and he likes; the night before I said I wanted ice cream or cake. Obviously that request went unnoticed or just forgotten.

I was asked questions all day long. Request after request for things - more water, a different tv show, more chicken, different clothes, calls I didn't want to make but was asked to make them anyway. Over and over and over. Only once was I asked how I was - as I sat on the couch, on the verge of tears and he played with her in the back I heard "you ok", to which I said "yeah I'm fine" which we all know means I am NOT FINE. And then he asked "do you miss us" to which I said "ummm no, I'm good". I don't think he liked my candor but quite frankly, fuck him and his joke because I sat in that house and at that party miserable and alone all damned day. Some mothers were being celebrated with breakfast in bed, flowers, cards extolling their glory and awesomeness. I was being told "no" over and over all day long by a stubborn toddler while only one person called. And even she was too busy celebrating with her own mother to hear just how sad I was.