I looked high and low and I couldn’t find a yellow anything in my closet or in Rob’s for that matter. I did find a yellow cardigan for Emily, which she refused to wear today, but it’s hanging up in her cubby – just in case she changes her mind at school. Since I don’t have yellow, I am carrying around a Jake and the Neverland Pirates today; it’s a Disney show and I think it’s kind of goofy that I’m carrying this around my office everywhere I go….let’s see what happens when I walk into the bathroom with it.
Why am I doing this? What’s up with the yellow?? A friend lost his 5 year old nephew to cancer, and they are burying that child today. He asked that whether or not you were going to the services, that you wear yellow to honor his nephew. And if you didn’t have yellow, wear something Disney related. Well I fell short on both requests but carrying this book is the least I can do. I think about what those parents have been through, watching their child suffer in pain, hooked up to IVs, and eventually passing away in his sleep at the age of 5 in a hospital bed while they held his hands. I can’t imagine what I would do. My worst – very worst nightmare is that something happen to my daughter while I’m still alive. I can’t imagine her sick like that, not knowing if she will get older and experience all that life has to offer her. I can’t imagine holding my child’s hand as she took her last breath and may God never put that burden on my shoulders. I am strong but I am not strong enough for that. That would certainly break me in a way that I don’t think I could ever come back from.
Today, I am also honoring that little boy along with my mom. Today I made the call that I have been trying to make for months now, but I just couldn’t get myself to make. I should hear soon if I’ve been approved to rent space at a church in our hometown for that book sale I’ve been talking about. Her birthday, April 19th, will be a Sunday next year and I think that’s a great day for it. I want to do it, I need to do it. I need something to work on that will make me feel like in some way, I’m making a difference and maybe I will make someone think about taking a closer look at their loved one’s health, their loved one’s medical care and maybe in some way I can change how cancer has ultimately changed us all. This week, three people have died from the disease and all three were taken way too soon; I feel like I’m just a spectator to it all – watching as they fall and doing nothing. I don’t think I can sit and just be sad anymore. My heart aches for Deric and his family as they lay that little boy to rest today. I feel like I have to do something so it doesn’t happen to my child. God forbid. Just. Augh. God forbid.
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