From My Trip Home

I had written some things during my trip that I haven't posted yet so, here's the one from my flight home.....


I'm sitting in my seat,heading towards home after a great week. I like to take pictures of my travels; like my actual travels so the views from the trains this morning, the plane that sat next to mine at the gate, clouds, the country side from above, that sort of thing.  I was just flipping through the ones I've taken so far and it's so hard to look at a few of them. They're the Irish country side - green, cloud covered, beautiful sea-side and coast lines. And I could almost hear her in my head, as if she was sitting next to me on the couch in her living room in New Jersey. I don't know if I should, or can, show these to my dad.  I can hear what he would say, too.  "Your mother always wanted to go there, she would have really liked these pictures." All the while, fighting back tears. I know it because my voice, in my head, is doing the same thing.

I've had signs this week, signs that Donna was around. Which is pretty freaking cool because I know she would have been there if she was still alive.  Random song, pictures, people, just odd things that were almost too random to explain away as simple coincidence. The first few times, maybe, but multiple times a day just doesn't seem coincidental to me. My now married friend had her name mentioned during the service & included her picture in a montage of those that couldn't be there. It was nice to see her smiling face, even if it was just in a picture. I continue to look for my mom, haven't seen or felt signs from her yet. Still waiting on that.  There's a sort of that wonders if she's hanging out, watching and not doing anything to show herself because she's either a)trying to save us from more grief or b)just being a bitch and not doing what we, or at least I, want her to do. I wouldn't be surprised if it was option b.