We got back yesterday from Florida with his family. I think Emily had a great time; it was so nice to see her with her cousins, playing and coloring and running around. She's the smallest one, except for an infant, so it was hard for her to keep up all the time but she did a pretty good job of it! And her grandparents just adore her, which is also nice to see.
They made me feel so.....I don't know. So much a part of the family on this trip. We were all together one night at his sister's house and his other sister and his parents surprised me with a birthday cake. All twenty-something people surprised me, stood around the kitchen and sung Happy Birthday to me. I almost started to cry when I realized it was for me; at first I thought it was for his brother in law's birthday, which was last week. But it wasn't. And for them to do that, especially now...this year....I can't describe what it meant to me. They have welcomed me with open arms and this just made me feel like its official. I am part of them and they are a part of me.
The 25th was the five year anniversary of my best friend's passing. I can't believe it's been so long. That's how I know this will all be okay. I know how it feels to cry in the food store or the Target because you see their favorite cookie or ice cream. I know how it's feels to cry every time you see their picture, knowing you'll never see them again. She went too quickly, too early. Donna was 35, and in a horrible car accident, so it was different. But it was still too quick, came out of the blue, and I feel that void still. But, I don't cry as much. I don't cry every time I think for her. I don't randomly cry over Milano cookies. I still cry sometimes, especially when I need her to. It's her the most. So I know that I will still cry for my mom. I know that I will stop crying all the time, randomly, like when I see her coffee creamer or think of her with my daughter. Eventually, I'll smile and laugh again. I'm not quite there yet, but I guess this is a work in progress, a journey, and this trip is far from over.
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