Keeping up relationships

It's not easy doing this grieving thing and keeping my relationship on track. I've been a total bitch some days; sometimes for a lot longer than just a day. It's definitely taken a toll on us and who we are as a couple. He can't feel emotionally connected to me if I'm always distant. I can't feel emotionally close to him when all I'm doing is crying on the inside, yearning for solitude. But that s how I am sometimes, and it sucks. I don't feel like I can control it, which is also really hard for me since I'm a total control freak. I feel bad that he's stuck watching me on this journey. I can't take him with me on it, I wouldn't want to even if I could. But still. How do you stay happy and connected and maintain your relationship when you've lost a loved one? It's hard work, I will say that much.