Another Birthday

I wish that time would stop, just for a little bit. My daughter is getting bigger by the moment, milestone after milestone. My dad gets older, day by day there's always another thing - a doctors appointment, a procedure to have done. And now, my sister. Her birthday is July 4th and I know how she's feeling, even if we don't talk about it. The phone call that won't come, the snarky comments about how old we all are, the dinner cooked commemorating the day. All of it just makes the day painful and it's hard to consider it a joyful event.

I know what this is like, the first birthday without our Mom.  There will be no phone call, and I know I already mentioned it but that was the hardest part for me; there will be silence and memories and tears. At least that’s how my birthday was.  Her husband doesn’t know what to do; in the past he’s done things that he thinks are helpful but actually aren’t – he’s not the brightest light in the sign – so I’m almost happy that he hasn’t gone and planned some big party or something like that.  Months ago, before my birthday came and went, I thought a party would be great.  She’s turning 50, that’s a big deal!  But now, I don’t know what’s right or wrong and I think she needs to say what she wants – whether she just knows that she wants to stay home and relax, pretend it’s not her birthday or she wants to get together with all of us and celebrate.  I would be happy to do either, whatever she wants.  On my birthday, she texted me.  She didn’t call, and I understood why.  My Dad did, but I understood why he did that, too.  Thankfully, she has to work on her actual birthday so I’m hoping that distracts her from it at least for some of the day. My mom would have called her at night though, so I know when the clock hits a certain time, and her phone doesn’t ring, her heart will break just a little bit more. I know mine did at 12:23pm when my phone was silent.