Disappearing Self

I have sacrificed a lot this year to make myself ‘work’, for lack of a better word.  I’ve sucked it up more times than I can count, went to work, got out of bed, took care of my daughter instead of just focusing on myself.  I’ve stayed at home while he went to see his children, while he went on a very long vacation with one of them.  I’ve done things I didn’t want to do, including telling my father things that I never wanted to say out loud but had no choice at the time.  I’ve put my fears aside and faced things that no one should; I told a nurse to start the process of allowing my  mother to die.  No child should have to do that.  I’ve been the rock that I’ve always been in the face of insanity and uncertainty.  I haven’t gone to the cemetery when I’ve wanted to, so that I can spend time with my family.  I haven’t run away all of the times that I wanted to – and if I had, I don’t know if I would be back by now.  I’ve put my own needs to the side because that’s just what I do.  Everyone else is more important, what everyone else wants and needs is more important.  And now, based upon a recent conversation, I’m being asked to support my partner first, as if I don’t already do that every day.  As if I make a decision to do it.  As if I put myself first regularly.  And the few times that I have, well, I don’t remember when I have.  Even when my mother died, I put my child’s needs before mine – she was sick the day my mom died and I came home right from the hospital to be with her, to comfort her, instead of just driving around in silence and shock which is what I wanted to do.  I take care of everyone else around me before I take care of me, and now, its being insinuated that that’s not the case.  How can I put myself any further back on the burner?  Should I just allow him to run rampant, make whatever decisions he wants about anything and everything and not say a word?  Should I just work, take care of our child, and not have an opinion on anything else so that he feels that he is my priority more so than he is already. At what point will I lose myself entirely?  I’d like to know that so I’m prepared for that moment and I know what to expect.