When the end of someone’s life comes quickly, unexpectedly, it hits you hard. Even if you know that it’s coming, you are never really ready for it. I knew my mom was dying but once it happened, or once I knew it was happening, I knew that I wasn’t ready yet. I knew it was the right thing to do and to happen; if she had lived – well, she wouldn’t have so it’s a moot point really; they couldn’t take her off of the vent and when they did, she lived for an hour and a half, that’s it (although it was much longer than they predicted…I still remember the nurse saying “we don’t think this will go on for very long”). She couldn’t have ‘lived’ on a respirator, at least not for much longer; they said that if we didn’t turn off the machines she could go on her own at any time. So I knew it was coming, but as practical and as realistic as I was, I still wasn’t really ready for it.
My boss’s father is at the end of his life, and its come rather suddenly and unexpectedly. She was supposed to go to Italy a week ago because he was critical, but he started to respond to treatments, started to improve a bit, so she and her sister were going out on Saturday and there was even talk about what the plan would be when he was sent home. But last night, he took a turn for the worse and now she has to get on a plane tomorrow morning and hope that she gets there before he dies. My situation was horrible, and I don’t mean to compare but holy shit does it suck to be her right now. My mom was in the hospital right down the road from my office, so if something had happened I could have gotten in my car and been there in five minutes; when she went into respiratory failure I was at home, which was only 15 or 20 minutes away. My boss has to get on a plane for hours to get to Italy from New Jersey. And during that time that she’s in the air, she can’t move any faster, can’t get out and run if she has to and he may pass away without her there. I can’t imagine what she is going through; when I saw her this morning – she came in just to tie up a few loose ends – as she spoke she started to tear up and her voice started to crack just talking about when she was leaving and who was going with her. My heart goes out to her, and on some level, it makes me grateful for how things with my mom played out. Rob and I had gotten very close to moving to Georgia last year in the fall; he was offered two positions within his company and we were thisclose to leaving and I am so happy that we didn’t. I would have been getting on a plane, I would have been getting phone calls instead of looking at a doctor face to face and I might have missed the opportunity to spend time with my mom before we had to let her go. I got to see her lucid and alert, being snarky and as rude as she could be with a tube down her throat. It’s not the best memory but at least I have that. At least I got to say good-bye and hold her hand at the end, even if she didn’t know it was me.
No comments:
Post a Comment